Survivor, I too

I'm a survivor,

Not in the same sense as my father,

I've no disease that I've beaten.

But I'm a survivor.

I survived gang life in elementary school.

A tall, cocky, womanizing youth that had a 

Crew to steal lunches and kisses.

I survived my parents' divorce.

The endless name calling, chess playing, betrayal,

Jesus Christ we're fucking children, YOU'RE CHILDREN,

You're niece, your nephew, your grandchildren.  

What makes you think we can handle this shit?

It's ironic...that the boy you forced into adulthood

Learns the truth about all of you in the end

And can't let go of the hate inside you planted there.

I survived my mother's second marriage...barely.

The touching

The door opening at night

The unrelenting anger

That I faithfully endured

For you to throw me out

Once I was no longer a weekly check from Dad.

I survived High School.

Smoking pot and drinking like it was my major

Working 40 hrs a week to buy food and clothes

Nearly getting beaten daily for a Mexican deported.

I lettered in three sports

And waited for my chance to run.

I survived that 18 wheeler.
The brush with death would change me forever
And not just physically.
When you hit an object that large
At 60 mph
You can't help but lose a part of you into the abyss.

I survived 6 years in that awful meat grinder.

It's bad enough to pour your heart and soul

Into the lives of those you don't even know

But it's a slow death to do it to those

Who will only tell you you're not good enough

And fabricate reasons to destroy you.

I survived my own divorce.

I learned what it was like to be my father,

To have someone you've trusted

Walk out on you and not look back.

You too, are a heartless fucking bitch.

I survived the doctor visit

I survived hearing the words...hospice...two months.

I survived the uncertainty because, well...he's my father.

I survived the fear, the sleepless nights

I survived the Morphine, the ice chips, the Ativan,

hearing him say "help me" and having to say "I can't".

And the betrayal of my own ghosts

until I became a cold, broken shell of my former self.

But I'm a survivor.