Pour Carlito

Everybody does what they
have to do to dream
their own Carlito Way.

Break down the door,
break in to get in,
it's so close-I can
touch it, you, my own
way to the garden.

I know how this
dream ends-and it
is not in paradise,
right or wrong.

But I need this, you,
just one time.

Everybody dreams their
own way, my way.

Treading Water

If love inspires words
to be bound by leather-
can the same material
encase you beside me?

Is it possible for one
to be free of the other?

Could I imprison myself
to grant your freedom
without martyrdom?

My mouth is dry of
your taste and thirsting
to swim beside you.

Panic grows with doubt
that I'll not tread water
long enough for your rescue.

I need you to softly
remind me how shallow
it is so I may stand,
bound by your side.

My Pillow

If I let you down
then you ignored me
and I am not to blame.

If I surpassed your
every wish and desire
you are a fool.

If you're unsure of
my worth to you
I'm wasting my time.

If I'm what you choose
in this very moment
you're perfect for now.

Rush Hour

The heart is not
a place for pictures
a palace of champions
a crusade to fight.
Its' walls are empty
to echoing rhythms
beached by the storm,
but open to pass
kisses to the mind.
Try as best you can
you will never
outrun my pencil.
Your lips may be
beautiful, soft-
but my passageway
is always eight open
lanes of traffic.

Justynuff

I slip off my lime
head first into
the cold concrete.
Professionalism left
at a basement door
for a man drunk
on your made
for TV movie
to take home
and snack on.
Proofrock's not
so bad anymore
even, i get it now,
J. Alfred was far
worse off than I,
far lonelier.
Shallow.

But learning to like
is not learning to love
and I'm not sure
which is more
capricious.
I would ask that
and other things
too messy
for handwriting,
but the deaf mute
prefers lines.

So one lion
roars to
a city of them
as he sits alone
watching her
play on her leash
with jackals
wondering if
she smiles at sunrise.

Why

That's really nice,
really.
Goosebumps
show that you
felt it.

But-
I don't want
that...

I want to hear
that I absolutely
took your breath
away-
made you fall
back in your seat
biting your lip-
pushing your heart
to beat so fast
so hard
that it might
leap from your chest.

But-
I don't want
that either...

So confusing
and secretive
are words
that aren't
blunt enough
to just come out
and say
I want to
feel your body
against mine
in candle light.

But-
I can't want
that...

You forgot the bee

There is a bee buzzing
around my flower's stem
never landing but coming
close enough to feel
the wind beating off.

Then without notice
the wings fall off
sending my bee reeling
it returns in blue
and posses for me.

Pick your wings up
dust them off
fly again and land
naked as the truth
that drives your desire.

Pollenate my mind
that I may flourish
with smells and colors
to fill empty hearts
cast aside by time.

Strip down to nothing
bare your thoughts
to what could grow
from a planted seed
so cared for.

I'm not nearly finished
with this or you
not until the lines of lust
and sighs of passion
are written in ink.

Dinners

Such a beautiful recipe
of european delight
bouncing off the tongue
nearly real enough
but not quite.

To say the least
I am hungry as a hostage
with pains from within
eating a hole in myself.

Though I try to call
my order in advance
that I may find it ready
to take home when I arrive
there is never an answer.

Perhaps the chef
will answer one day
not leaving my face blue
or dinner too complicated...

It's ok

Beneath the ugliness
of a story made for film
there is a twinkle of light
guiding me from the fog
to the unknown.
Your heart still beats
proving that even death
can be undone by desire
to breathe life both
cruel and wonderful.
I would write until
my fingers bled
at the tips
if I thought it could
create a new life.
If nothing more
may some simple words
paint a smile across
your face when
nothing else will.

Give me ten minutes

Lay beside me
like you've wanted to
and hoped you would
since you owned me.

Stay your heartache
where it is
where it has always been
to hurt another.

Embrace the lie
that we were
never meant to be
close enough to touch.

Don't wrap your heart
around another disappointment
when life has offered
a warmer hand.

Your feet are cold
but mine are not
and soon yours
won't be either.

Don't surrender to fear
that a lie of disappointment
can inprison your warm viens
into icy wastelands.

Break free of what
poisons your beauty
and escape to a place
where you can kiss me.

Keyless

As I carried
my purple heart
inside I lost
the two longest arms,
casualties of a door
closing on me.
Fast
and wicked.
I was wreckless-
too impatient
to think of
the consequences
of my race,
I pushed on
left to hold them
beaten
broken
by the hand
of the one
depended on.
Myself broken
just the same
and locked out
of myself.

Highwaymen

You've got
your piece
of mind
perfectly sliced,
bite-sized.
Nobody can
teach you
a song now-
now that
you've got
your peace.
In the corner
against a lamp
is my coat,
resting on laurels
of a lint
stained carpet.
Wish I could
vacuum it all
nice and neat
less messy.
But I've left
my hoover behind
so I pick
by hand only
to find more
in my tracks.

Lemons

It's a bitter cell
of white walls
and open doors
I call home now.
Marked by the
buzzing from above
and short finger nails.
Free to leave
but not to go-
banned from peace.
Having been trapped
in fear of light
by weakness that
preferred pits
I found courage
in the last
grain of sand.
Hung from my rope
neatly drawn
so not to leave
visible burns.
I'm a master magician
fooling oceans of eyes
with my illusions
yet unable to
trick my own.

My Worst Enemy

How could you?
You are
not my friend.
Nor were
you ever.
At my darkest
you fled
took my torch
abandoned me
to my fates.

No I despise
the thought
of you
your smile
your scent
your words
every ugly memory.

If not
for fear
of superstition-
a seven year
sentence-
i would
shatter you.

Show me the way

shower me
with you smiles
your kisses
show me the way
to your heart
and lead me
out of this foggy land
to where I belong

bring me to your side
that you may keep
me there forever
to flood you with passion
erasing innocense
and heartache

let me in
out of the storm
i'll bring you
to shelter too
to a safe place
covered in clover
where flowers picked
cease to die
and showers never cool

tell me to come
cross the ocean
to wade in yours
hand in hand
as we dance
on satin clouds
beneath the stars
and each other

tell me you can't
take it anymore
tell me you won't
wait another day
tell me you don't
need wyoming
that you won't
ever let me go

and I will be there tomorrow

So.....

Look where
don't fight it
got us-
fighting time
and space.

If hours
feel like weeks
how will I ever
make it
to the fall?

Thirty-one
will bring you
less than thirty
from me-
but that's still
eighty-something
away.

Close your eyes
ride your dreams
to our ranch
to find me
on the porch
with a smile
and pocket dog.

So......
Tell me
something nice
to make the day
a little less
cold and empty
without you.

Clover Field

My ear is still
warmed by
your voice
and my heart
is pounding
so hard
that I wonder
if you can hear it
from where
you are-
so far away.

I want to scream
your name so loud
that the echo
finds your heart
and caresses away
every drop
of loneliness.

I hold this map
in my hands
that shows the beautiful
pathway to you...
but I feel lost
without your arms
to welcome me home.

I can see you
holding Iris
smiling at me
asking for drinks...
tire of that
I could never.
Come here-
come home-
to one who loves you.

My Arboretum

There's the most
amazing garden
at the arboretum
where one flower
stands above the rest.
There are moments
when it rains
that the strangers
who gaze in amazement
are unwelcome
and infectious,
for few
if any
ever see beyond
the petals.

But I-
I can relate.

There are days
when I just want
to be plucked
and taken home,
or up-root myself-
catch a young
wild wave
ride it all the way
to Australia-
never look back.

One day
we will all wilt
and die
but today is sunny-
warm-
-without rain
and I think I see
my wave coming.

The heaviest feather

If I close my eyes
and block my mind
from worry
while drifting off
to the bears
you can appear
in an instant
as the day
you were born
draped in only
your own magnificance
smiling through
a bitten bottom lip.
You motion
for me to come
closer to touch
what I have
only to imagine.
And your breath
warms me
from the inside out.

But the heaviness
snaps be back
to reality
in a place
where we both
are afraid to move
and afraid not to.
What is right
and fair,
what are the words
that open doors
where walls
previously stood
erected in stone.

I could tumble
over Niagra Falls
in this barrel.
I saw all the signs,
only your mention
of the roaring water
made it seem
possible-
likely-
maybe inevitable.

But the falls
are still off
in the distance
leaving me time
to paddle to shore
should either of us
choose to abandom ship,
while my thoughts
run away
to your bitten
bottom lip.

All I need

How sweet is this day
we swore forever
while hoping for one night
skin on skin
arm in arm
lip to lip.

To be apart on a wedding night
is so unnatural
but such is our story
so surreal
so magical
so unbelieveable
and yet so far.

Can I break the chains
that bind you there
with what I feel-
lend you the strength
to follow your heart home
to me?

Would you hate me then
foresaking all you know
for all you don't
but still need to survive
beside me
your truest love?

What if the years
become decades
and your child
becomes children
and your freedom fades
into darkness
where I cannot find you?

What if I grow lonely
and seek your embrace
in the arms of another
and become so infested
with guilt I can't bear?

I am not a child
nor too blind by love
to ignore what we both fear
may one day destroy our hearts
and leave us homeless
in the wake of that aweful storm.

I tell you I need you
but do you
know that I need you?
Do you feel me
reaching inside
to massage your
lonely heart?

I hang on your words
like a sinner in the gallows
swinging from the pole
as life slips from my lips.
Say you love me
that I may be cut free
and live another day
to love you
better than before.

Say we can finally be one-
rescue me from
the death sentence
of a life without
what was meant for it.

I plead to you
once more-
I need you

my love



I need you...

Sleep don't weep

Do you know
I spend my time
dreaming
of fresh new
ways to tell you
I love you?

To make my
heart beat loud
enough for you
to hear from
where you pace.

Relax your shoulders.
Let go of your tension
and embrace the song
I sing for you.

Fly in the night
from your rooftop
to mine
and dance with me
and God
beneath the starlit sky.

Angels smile from above
when they hear us
trade I love yous
to each other.

Until the day
you hold me in my sleep
and I hold you in yours,
these pages shall remain
our sacred house of love.

Save me

My heart is red as the setting sun
slipping away into night
we can be together.

Your lips--so perfect--breath fire
from within the deepest corridors
you awaken me from sleep.

When will you claim me
rightfully yours as I am
when will you save me?

The waves crash outside
and I am deceived by the water
for it is not your laughter.

Each passing minute intensifies
becomes more painfull
and more addicting.

I beg to drink you
fill myself overflowing
with your loveliness.

My love for you

My sweetest love.
How can I even
begin to describe
the depth of
what I feel for you?
Your voice weakens
my legs beneath me
and grounds my soul.
Every thought is of you,
how to rescue us,
ways to bring me there.
I think of uprooting myself
from my home that is
incomplete without you
to be in a place nearer
the one I am to adore.
I'm ashamed for lacking
words that would ease
the fear in you
that I could ever love
another so completely.
Life could never age you
unkidly to my eyes
for they see only
the magnificant light
within your heart and mind.
My desire for your touch
and sexuality are far surpassed
by my hope to one day
be the man beside you
to kiss away your tears
from your angelic face
until they fall no more.
I love you so much,
but those words
are far too simple
for someone deserving
of so much more.

Please, I beg you,
please believe.
Believe I will never surrender
my feelings for you,
never waste another
written word on another,
that I will search
for ways to tell you
I love you everyday,
that my heart is yours
completely and ungaurded.

My Snow White,
your prince has come
to awaken
your mind, body, and spirit
with the tenderness
you always hoped for.
There's no excuse
for not having found you sooner,
and I appologize for that
with all I have in me.
But I swear to you,
you'll never spend
another day of your life
feeling alone.

Say you believe in us,
in this miracle God
has bestowed.
Say your love for me
grows deeper
with every heartbeat.
Say you'll let me
shower you with our love,
our hopes,
our dreams,
and fill your soul
with the same beauty
knowing your love
has given me.
Say you'll accept
how special you are to me.
Say you'll never waste
another rediculous thought that
you could ever disappoint me.

You bring me so much joy.
It is to you
that I am drawn.
If you search inside
you'll find me there
whenever you need me,
smiling,
ready and willing
to do whatever it takes
to make everything in your life
warm and free of darkness.
This is but a fraction
of what I'm saying
when I tell you
I love you.

I want to be
where you are.
To be your protector,
your lover,
your best friend,
your confidant,
your partner in life,
the one you rely on,
your breath of fresh air,
the one you trust
your deepest thoughts to,
your husband,
your eternal.

Cascadilla

From where
have you come
and what took
so long?

You etherize me--
between fear
and bliss
I am bound.

Can you sense
the chains
that hold me
to the air
you breathe?

I feel weak
as a child--
beyond helpless--
yet finally
at home.

How could I
deserve this wonder
that has fallen
before me
from a book?

I've never.

I imagine
only angels
feel this from
hearing the flapping
of their own wings.

I will visit you
every night
in my sleep
where no amount
of water
or flesh
can keep you
from me
ever again.

Snow White

Never have I
been so sure

of life
after death

of the sun
following the moon

of the Divine's presence.

Heaven must
have sent you
proving itself real
restoring my faith.

I fear this
fire you lit
inside of me
burning hotter
than Satan's furnace
will overtake me
like a Phoenix.

I close my eyes
and I can see
the candle light
reflecting off you skin
through the window
of my soul
beckoning me
to come home.

When I lay down
I feel the weight
of you in my heart
and your hair
on my chest.

I'll wait another
eternity for you
as long as my journey
will end in your arms.

You wore me well

How funny is it
that I can't remember
what started it.

When did I
first notice
the likeness
and what we had
exploaded.

Now I see
Inbox(1)
and my heart
falls to the floor
I look
finding only
disappointment.

How so fast?
How so intense?
Why am I
unable to sleep
and constantly
dreaming of you
and your insatiable touch.

Will you fade
into a memory
I can rarely revisit,
you,
who I could
have loved
like no other,
who wore me
so well.

So beautiful

I still can't sing
that song for you
I want to
as much or more
as I wanted to then

and I should have
should have found a way
forced myself
sang through the guilt
and the sadness
called
written
waited
spoiled you even more

but that's what youth
does to us
so that we may
become wise
through pain

could I kiss you again
and not die in your mouth
if you were to
hang up again
I'm strong
you say
but strong enough
to sustain losing
again...

still can feel you
see you
hear your laugh
to me
so beautiful
you are

you will grow
be a mother
a wonder
while I remain
young forever
a tragedy
and the reason
why you cry
over ramen noodles

Before you leave me

let go of your worry
give me your ticket
and enter with me
for the while.


your scent
still strong in memory
still weakens
and takes away my air.


no
please
don't go
not yet
i've not had enough
to get me through.
i need to feel
once more
your breath on my face
your voice on my ear
your insatiable touch.


don't miss me too much
but miss me enough
so that you kiss
me so deep
before you leave me
that you take it with you
heavy on your mouth
and chest
for the days to come
without me.