Fading away

There's nothing that can be

what we are

what we were.

The petals are falling off

the roses beside our stone

and they'll plant no more.

Everywhere I turn

a necropolis of memories

burns even the fire station.

Of course I hate you

how couldn't I,

I unceasingly refrain to heal.

I want to absolve you 

entirely for the anger

weighs more than the longing.

But weak as the thread 

may be that draws me close

the lion's pride is enduring

beyond what hope I have

of your phone call.

You betrayed me

beyond what any other

could fathom to achieve.

And yet...it's the song 

of my name running cross

your lips I cry for.

I want to be done,

to have what was

or could be.

Sadly, 

when typhlotic no more

and struck with the 

corpulent despondency

of which I suffer now,

you'll find me not

still waiting for your train,

but in the proximity of one

I trow truly loves me. 

The chain is on my door.

I hope the honey
stings you
through your sweet lips.

I pray the corset fits
to steal your breath
from within your chest.

I beg of life
to crack like thunder
my face with each kiss.

I wish for justices
that punish every dream
see me touch another.

I owe you nothing
of kindness for you
there is no more.

My own perfect world.

What happened to the clouds

I watched through the van,

strawberries tumbling up 

my straw on a blanket.

What ever came of 

putting me in a box

instead of on a shelf?

Why do I feel colder now

than in a Ponderosa freezer

when I of all people

despise the heat?

Did I not say that this was

not what I wanted to happen?

Were you listening to me then?

Are you now?

Is your Tom-Tom telling you

to take a different route

to avoid a hazardous zone?

I'm not good.

I get scared.

I panic.

I don't know

much.

Perhaps someday I'll be better-

good enough for you-

for everyone.

Maybe

in my own

perfect world.

Homemade Lemon Pie

I love lemon
but only when I know
it's something sour
I'm getting into.
When I want an apple
and instead the bitterness
tricks me and worms itself
into my mouth
I am not amused.

For far too long
I was the lemon's fool-
begging for sweetness
and getting only puckered.
I am ashamed
and disgusted
not with the thing that is
being only what it knows
to be
but for how I allowed myself
to carry on
foolishly
like a daily beaten dog.

I was not your mistake,
lemon,
you were mine.
I tried everything;
baking you,
drinking you,
crushing you,
but my kitchen
was never home to you.

So now
all there's left to do
is be done with you.

I sit in my shade
enjoying my nectarine,
how sweet it is.

Me too

The man in my speakers
said it's been nearly ten years
since you were
kidnapped by angels and wisked
to heaven before playing
"I miss you".

Has it really been that long,
Aaliyah?
I don't wanna let you know
either.

I understand their grief,
those you left.
I too feel robbed
of things departed-
lurking in the shadows-
once having claimed it
was all they had.

What have I now
to hold onto of yours?
Thank God I don't know.
It would kill me to know
how often you watch
and read my thoughts
as freely as I once
was able to read yours
when I looked at you
and said

"Me too..."

The fisherman's riddle

I sit here
on the shore
wishing I had
a boat
so that I could
go anywhere
and fish the shore.

Hold on

When I met her the day I fell in love,
her eyes were like two silver spoons.
Then came the great and awful flood
she left me standing there marooned.
You know you're cold as ice inside
when there's nothing left to make you cry.
I guess that I'll go.

I miss your evil little grin
and that silly giggle that you wore.
I don't even know where to begin
how I wish you would still call me yours.
I quit gambling years 10 years past
But I'd bet the farm I'll finish last.
Last.
I better just go.

Drive on in and call me rude
say everything I did was cruel.
Say anything at all to me
and end this bitter agony.
There's nothing worse in this whole world
than to be in love without your girl.
Girl...
Please don't go.

When we made love I felt her shake
her body was that perfect wave.
No matter what life has in store
she'll always have me at my core.
I'd run to her in seconds flat
if she would only run on back.
.....................
........

I remember December

I hold on so tight
a kung-fu death grip
to my chest of drawers
slammed shut
and locked.

I'd steal your scarf
wrap round my eyes
and plug my ears.
Jesus Christ
leave me
leave me alone.

You're with Ryan
in your car
playing songs-
I guarantee
no Taylor Swift
dedications from me.

As I say goodnight
I'll say goodnight
through your blindness,
You'll not fuck me
(over)
anymore.

And to make clear
to your fucking ego
this
isn't
for you.

Goodnight.

Three quick seconds

Even if your mind is right now
a spoiled head of lettuce

your heart can split wide open
with bright light of love.

My mouth and fingers can resist
to run and grab your ear

but my eyes can no longer hide
how amazing a creature you are.

The one I love so much has let
me play tents while homeless

where all those wailing ghosts
could never touch us.

Quietly, I'll slip into your bed
at night while you're dreaming

and without making a sound
I'll steal your heart's anguish.

I know you see these words
and feel them plant their seeds

if you sing to them a beautiful
song they will dance for you

and tickle your sides for no more
than three quick seconds.

Divided

I would
meet in Owl City
at 3:01, A.M.
all the time.
Hear
yes yes yes.
Dancing down the
isles of $4 pears
and fresh oj
after a saki bomb.

Then comes another
hard lesson in math.
How I hate division-
it's cruel and useless
when I prefer to add
one plus one
and a half.

I must go,
though I can remain
silent-
he can not
or won't.
So a break from both
seems impossible.

And he's the one
who really loves
me.

Winter

Seems like only days after
I got my lifetime pass
the zoo closed on me.
No warning-
left wondering if
the doors will open
for me again.
It's colder than
fifteen below
when you're shut out
from the place you love.
The pipes freeze-
furnace breaks down.
I stand at the gate
holding the bars
as my hands crack.
The yellow bear reminds me
Things are as they are
while he gorges honey.
I see a boy skipping
to meet his love
as I skipped to you
and the bear's voice
becomes too faint;
he chases the elephants now
but he is slow
and his roar is weaker
than even my own.
Who knew the zoo
was such a dangerous place.

A dance to you

I hear you whisper
of all the places
so beautiful
and so dangerous
for you and I to go-
then you smile.

That smile makes me
dance a dance to you
named for you
for I am unafraid
to be the fool
that hurts your stomach.

You know how it will go
in the end
to worry is a waste.
Yet I too am afraid
of the dark.

The strength of a woman.

Her curtain call came.
She was a daughter,
friend, angel,
savior...

You-
brave, strong, heroic,
glowing, kind,
beautiful-
our George and Izzy
rolled into one.

But this is not
Prime-time TV-
and we are without
your smile on-demand.

We should all hope
to fight half as hard
to go on without you
as you did to remain
among us.

For my Grandfather

She was so much
younger than him
beautiful, fair.
He walked proud,
without ego,
he protected her.

She said yes to him
after only a few weeks
because she knew.
He would always adore
her smile, kindness,
and he knew too.

She became his everything
after 5 short months,
in angelic white.
He would say it
was the best day
of his life.

So she kissed him
as his lips turned
cold and breathless.
He fell asleep there
beside his angel
for the last time.

My Grandmother was
so young then,
and slept alone since.
His name now reborn,
may his passion
burn bright again.

Playing Penguins

Today I carried a bed
for another white jacket
but I wanted a dirty fork
and a shady glass of juice
I would test for you.
Maybe then I would be asked
to play penguins too.

It's such a burning feeling,
seeing Lucifer frozen.
Makes me wanna learn
to tie my shoes again.
Eat Teddy Grams,
drink Juicy Juice,
listen to two bowls of soup.

Who cares
about the card game?
Clearly she didn't.
Even the innocent know
when you're not really
happy to play penguins.
When you choose Euker.

Only I saw the boo boo
on her knee
that she said burned.
I have none that show
but some you can kiss-
make better, just
let me play too, please.