Twice nice

We were so different
you and I
and I remember
wishing you the worst-
it devastates me now
to think of.

So funny how life
can rebound
and then fall
leaving much worse-
crushing everyone
who loves you.

I'm still angry inside.
I hate that you
took so long
to come around
to seem human
even lovable.

It's not your lack
of tears that hurts
it's the realness of hers-
unimaginable for me
who hides from such
emotional addiction
for this very thing.

I will try to learn
whatever I can
from this,
you,
to smile when
I think of yours.