Still waiting for the doctor

Could I really expect to sleep
without seeing you say goodnight?
Totally alone here in my cave
missing my favorite window,
where even my thoughts ignore me
and speak only to each other.
Your smile haunts the darkness
I'm left completely naked in.
Touch the pillow with a hand
pretend it's the face so calm-
so happy to finally be home,
move two fingers over ridges
that would otherwise be lips
while my own whisper things.
Is it that unreal, really,
this secret recipe we hide from most-
or is it rising in a kitchen
beaten by a flour-fight
and settled in another room
two doors down from forever...